The Midnight News 8.07.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 08.07.01

Raw, The Score, Tazz, More with the MECW Guy, DDP, Buff, The Rock, Help Wanted, Drunken E-Mails, and Jake 

Hi.

Hey, from what I understand, the trick to beating me in one of these net feuds is to be so DISCREET with your barbs and attacks, that neither I nor the readers even notice!

Yes, a good ol' discreet reaming of King Hyatte will not only knock me off my perch, but will also knock YOU right off your site and down into a small writing gig at a hair band music site.

Yes, that's how you defeat me... no one will actually KNOW that I've been beaten... myself included, nor will they actually BELIEVE you when you explain to them how potent your invisible jabs were.... but you'll know... deep down... you'll know. 

Man, I just leave them totally f-ed up... don't I? I mean, the guy actually used to be a bit of an influence. He used to be... dare I say... respected? Heh. 

Okay, time to do the news.

RAW FEELINGS

Just some random notes... and not a SINGLE rhetorical question, F-You.

-The question on the table is whether or not Stephanie has had breast implants. The answer is no. I think she just has a great wonderbra and she sticks pencil erasers on her nipples. Either that or she just has Super Nips.

-I'm already dreading next Sunday when I have to go through the message boards and stare at a thousands posts saying, "I didn't get to screw Stephanie yet, WHEN'S MY TURN??" Please, kids... don't.

-"Yeah, I have your locket... SUCKAA!!" I laughed for minutes.

-Who knew Booker T had some comedy skills?

-Nice to hear Kamala's theme played again... aaaah ahahah ahAHAH AH... aaaaah ahahah ahAHAH AHHHH

-Where was Vince?

-For some reason, William Regal seemed to be having the best time.... did you see him laugh when the crowd screamed, "Oh MY after Buh Buh Ray talked about "Lions and Tigers, and Bears..."? Regal is clearly enjoying working with Tajiri

-I hope X-Pac won a few new fans after his EXCELLENBT match with Tajiri, one in which he cleanly LOST, by the way (well, as clean as getting mist sprayed in your face can get)

-Before Scherer asks it, let me answer, because to remind everyone of that 1-800-Collect commercial would NEGATE the punchline "What acting experience did the Rock have before he did that damn Mummy Returns movie?"

-Booker T likes the white woman ("Whi'cher fine self!"!!) Outlaw love!

Umm... yeah, that's it. It was a "relaxed" show... more fun than normal. But pretty much standard stuff.

THE SCOREBOARD

Counting just Raws, Smackdowns, Heats, and the Invasion PPV, here's the score for Inter-Fed match wins. 

WCW/ECW: 37 

WWF: 33 

The Alliance leads by four.

Thanks to Joe Stock for this.

ALL THAT TAZZ

Once again, Slam Wrestling's fine Canadian staffers have pout together a KILLER article on a wrestler. This time, it's Tazz who is profiled. To recap the full article would not do it justice, so I'll just condense the quotes that will hopefully entice you to go there and read it yourself.

-On the ECW "Invasion" angle and how HE was considered by many the centerpiece of ECW: "Actually, I wasn't as excited as you would think. I think it's a great angle, definitely. It's really great for wrestling fans. But there's a part of me that feels that ECW should have been left alone. We built ECW into a great cult federation, we were the true rebels of the wrestling industry... it'll never be like it was." 

-On his history with Paul Heyman: "Actually, I knew Paulie from before I was in ECW, I just knew him from New York. I was doing the Tasmaniac (the precursor to the Tazz character of today) in Japan and doing independents in the Northeast. Paulie started up ECW and gave me a call, asked if I wanted to work a couple of matches with this guy named Sabu, that I was just the guy to help get him over. I say, 'Okay. But I need more than a couple of dates, I'm looking for work.' I asked him to consider it, he's cool with that. Six years later, I'm still there."

-On Sabu: "The first few years we were together, we hated each other for real. And Paul marketed that. And we knew he was marketing that, and we were cool with that. It was good for Paul, it was good for ECW fans, it was good for Sabu, and it was good for me. Then as time went on, we got older, we saw that we were two of the most important people in the federation, we saw that we were doing good business together, making money off each other, and we became pretty good friends. I really miss him. As a rival, and as an opponent, and as a friend."

-On why he left ECW: "We were just ready to go to TNN, and I was losing my drive. I was wrestling the same people, I didn't have anything else to do. I don't want to say 'bored', but I was getting complacent, I started getting comfortable. There was no competition [any] more, and I just had to move on."

-On defeating Kurt Angle for his WWF debut: "The way I debuted in the WWF was the single greatest moment of my professional career. I went to Madison Square Garden, a place I always wanted to wrestle, if only just once. I debuted against an undefeated Olympic gold medalist -- who happens to be a very good friend of mine (the two are traveling partners) who I have great respect for -- and I defeated him. I was so happy to come into the WWF the way I did."

-On coming back to ECW to take the belt away from (departing-to-WCW) champion, Mike Awesome: "I wasn't crazy about it, because I wanted to get out of the ECW stigma -- my career was now (with the WWF). But, I think Vince (McMahon) was trying to help ECW, and he felt that I was the guy who could do it, and he, Shane [McMahon], Bruce Pritchard, J.R. [Jim Ross], they came to me and told me about it. They didn't tell me I had to do it, they asked me if I'd mind it. But if your boss comes to you, and you're new with the company, you're going to try to make him happy."

-On his new-found career as a Broadcaster: "I love commentating, I'm very glad Vince gave me the opportunity, and I mean that sincerely. I'm not being politically correct here, I'm shootin' with you. It's not about titles. I'm on three major TV shows for the World Wrestling Federation, hosting two of them and starring on one as a trainer. I'm on TV close to three hours a week -- that's a push in my book"

He also talks about his feeling towards Mike Awesome, Tough Enough, how he is really a homosexual, and his future. (Okay, one of these is a lie).

DDPUL-EEZE

Couple of funny little DDP related backstage notes that I picked up from Widro and on a message board yesterday... 

I believe both stories came out of the The Torch Newsletter, officially.

You know how Austin used to hug Vince before he joined the Alliance? Well, that all stemmed from the first time Vince met Dallas Page.

Apparently, Vince went over to shake DDP's hand. Instead, DDP wrapped Vince up in a big hug. They say the look on Austin's face when he first hugged Vince is not much different from the look on Vince's face while DDP was hugging him. It is now a locker room running gag.

The second story is also getting goofed on backstage. It seems that Page's gimmick idea was to lick his teeth and smile after every backstage vignette. Then he suggested that the production team put in a fake little sparkle in his teeth before they cut away, with a small "ding" sound effect for good measure. 

Obviously, Page's idea was rejected.... hopefully, the rejection was followed by a reminder to him that this is NOT the 80's WWF anymore. 

Hey, I give the guy an "A" for effort... at least he's contributing. 

A FOOL IN LOVE

I thought about it... and decided that I just can't talk about Jerry Lawler’s recent post... I... I... I'm too damned ashamed to be a man when reading this guy quote Garth Brooks lyrics.

THE MAN WHO WOULD BE VINCE... 2?

Yesterday, I recapped an Interview with MECW Owner John Collins which was on 1wrestling.

Today, I found ANOTHER radio interview with Collins. This one was recapped by
The Torch. Or it may be a more detailed recap of the previous one... I can't recall.

No sense repeating the stuff he talked about in yesterday's recap... so I'll just grab the stuff NOT covered in the first interview.

-He says that his life before starting this company was that of a CEO of a negotiation firm. He's always been an "odd-ball" wrestling fan.

-He said that Doug Gilbert talked him into starting his own promotion. He has a lot of backers putting money into this company, but everyone knows that he is the one BOSS.

-In reality, MECW is actually a throwback to the old NWA Territory system. The Sandman will run the Northern territory and Tracy Smothers will run the Midwestern and the Southern territories. This is so they will be able to access a huge fanbase early on.

-Along with the Sandman and Tracy Smothers, Collins will pay attention to what Buff Bagwell and Curt Hennig has to say too. he really thinks Buff can be a tremendous asset to the company.

-He has had numerous phone conversations with Randy Savage over the last three weeks and he has spoken with Scott Hall's manager. He has not spoken to Chyna but would certainly love to have her onboard.

-He says Sabu has already filmed commercials for the company. Says that Dawn Marie and Simon Diamond have agreed to be at the August 11th show in Philly. He also says that Terry Taylor has brought a lot to the company already.

-Joey Styles is interested in being at the August 11th show. he plans on using Styles, Don Callis, and Terry Funk all at one time or another, but not always together.

-He plans on running some Canada shows in November- instead of August- on the advice of six wrestlers (Letting the wrestlers INFLUENCE YOU???? SWEET JESUS, NO!!!)

-He is not sure if Curt Hennig will appear at the Brian Pillman Memorial Show this year, but hopes that MECW will be established enough to make it into next year's show.

-He talked up a wrestler he has named "Prince Justice", who is 6'8" and pushing three bills yet has the skills of a Rey Misterio Jr..

-MECW's web site will be up and running soon, and there will be a wrestler in the chat room every Friday from 7 to 9 p.m.. he also hopes to have a hotline for fans to leave messages on and give input/feedback. (Heh, he better get ready for a sh*tload of "YOU SUCK D*CK!!!"

-You can call MECW right now at (618) 943-2653.

BUFF'S ACCOUNTANT JUST HUNG HIMSELF

Upon learning that Buff Bagwell wrestled for MECW a couple of weeks ago, the WWF tore up his contract and lit up a big fat cigar, (symbolically, of course).

See, they were still paying him three months worth of severance after firing him. Once Buff found a new job, they were no longer required to continue sending the checks.

Buff was paid $1,000 to work that one MECW show.

The WWF was rumored to be paying him on a $45,000 package... spread out over three months.

Scherer TRIPLE-CHECKED his facts before reporting this.... but did absolutely NO checking before reporting that I wrote him an e-mail and posted his response. No, my name gets besmirched and no one cares, dammit!

In other news, Buff has reportedly traded his pristine copy of Amazing Fantasy 15 for a copy of Youngblood 1. The man is a GENIUS.

WHO CAN RESIST THE LURE OF A HORNY PENELOPE CRUZ??

The hard rumor of the moment concerning the Rock is going to stay in the WWF full time for two more years, which he is contractually bound, then hit the road to Hollywood if he breaks out into a major star with The Scorpion King. 

That is not to say that the Rock HATES it in the WWF and can't wait to leave.... he probably loves being him... but come on... LOOK AT THE TITLE TO THIS SECTION!!!

PWBTS.com supplied this. 

CAN YOU GET PORN AT A DISCOUNT?

Ever wanted to be hated and feared by just about every one of those nerdy losers at the DVD board? 

Well, RF Video may have a spot for YOU.... 

RF Video is now hiring. If you live in the Bucks County/NE Philly area we may have an opening for you. The job is an entry level position working in our office/shipping department. A driver's license is required and you must be at least 18 years old. You must be available Monday thru Friday from 9am-5pm. If you are interested in applying, please call us at (215) 891-9404.

411: OUR WRITERS LIKE BOOZE!!!!

To officially welcome aboard the great Josh Grut to our little website, I shall post a letter he wrote to me thanking me for putting up his great work.

This may be the FUNNIEST F-ING E-MAIL I'VE EVER READ!!!

Josh had the good humor to permit this, so please go easy on him.

I'm pretty drunk right now, and I'm not writing that to you cause you wrote a report
while drunk to impress you. Just stating the soon to be obvious. It's six am and my toe's bleeding. My stupid friend got looked at by this persian motherf**ker and said, "What, you wanna start something?" Anyway, it's not that I think I can be an invaluable part of the 411 column team. Between you, now Norton, Gamble and Daniels (who plugged me also so I have to give him props for his pet wrestlers column) the site is not exactly lacking for incredible writers. And pretty much anyone can write incredible wrestling fiction out of the four of you. Mine isn't even that incredible. I'm my own worst critic, I think some of the parts suck sh*t. Anyway, I'm not blaming you or anything and I don't want to get a swell head about 7 f**king fan mails from people who could probably give 2 sh*ts in hell about me five days later. It's just that I turn 21 on Saturday and I think I've finally found something I'm kind of good at. I don't try to write about wrestling. I try to write about people. The point is, and I'll hopefully be able to unsend this as soon as I wake up tomorrow, and I'm sorry if I offend you right now, please don't get the whole f**king internet to e-mail me and tell me what a douche I am, I think I can provide something different, something unique to the website. Like I stated above, I know that any of you four could provide a fiction wrestling column that doesn't involve the Undertaker f**king someone, but I really love it. I just wrote I really involve it before deleating that. I'm sorry. I don't think AOL allows me to delete mail sent to non AOL people. Since Scoops, I have been a huge fan of yours. Whether you made me laugh or offended me, you always provoked a reaction out of me, which is more then I can say for almost any other internet wrestling columnist/recapper. You've only read 2 columns of mine, and I deserve no props, no credit, and certainly no full time job for just 2 columns. I'm not going to go so far as to say that you're my idol, but you are a writer I highly respect, and since I sent you Mr. Rodriguez helps, I've been checking my email whenever possible to get feedback. I did the same thing with the Andrew Turrow story which you eventually posted without responding to my request for feedback. I'm so sorry. I'm thinking about just clicking on the x. You're not my girlfriend. I'm not your girlfriend. You don't have to hear me bitch. Honestly, this is one of the hazards of being a somewhat celebrity. You'll get people who'll you do small favors for who'll want more and more and more. Don't think I don't know how busy you are. I'm almost sure you're not a full time web wrestling reporter type guy. You also have to find time to have a social life. And meanwhile there are pricks like me who type you manifestos while drunk. I need to stop this. Listen, I hope you like my work. I know Tom Daniels likes some of my work, and we know Tom Daniels has all the power (money women) at 411. I should not have driven tonight. At least I sobered up some. I hope Widro likes my writing. The point of this is, I'd love to write a fiction column for 411. While I'm sure I'll never meet you, it would be an honor to work with you. That's it. Just two reminders: 1. I'm drunk. Seriously. My friend Zach is a f**king idiot. 2. I'm not asking for anything. If you see something that impresses you, great. If you agree with me in thinking my writing is more often then not amatuerish, then you can just write back to me and tell me to go f**k myself. I know you don't remember, it was a while ago, but me being Jewish wrote you something about a Goldberg joke that I thought was out of context. You did not reply kindly. I was very offended and wrote you another letter. How the f**k do I remember all this? I swear to God, I do not think about this daily or anything. The only correspondence I truly dwell upon is that I have with Scott Keith. 

Scott Keith: ...and that's why I'd fellate Chris Benoit for five cents on the dollar.

VPJG: I'm sorry. You sent the wrong IM. 

Scott Keith: Sorry! Anyway, that's why I'd fellate Lance Storm for five cents on the dollar. 

I am so drunk. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I should be sleeping. I'm seriously debating sending this or not. I've opted to send you the most...

This kid RULES.

It's only a matter of time before he betrays me.

And to the readers, please don't write to Josh telling him what a douchebag he is.

BUT, PLUGS

RAW has been recapped and posted by the great PK. PK doesn't F-around with the recaps and make everyone wait until TUESDAY for them... oh no... he gets them out as soon as possible. I remember one recapper actually waited until WEDNESDAY before posting his Raw recap... what a dumbass... what an egotistical piece of crap. If I could only remember his name, I'd ream him so hard and so discreetly that it would knock me off 411 and straight to a hair band heavy metal web site. Yes, the force of my so-discreet-no-one-even-noticed- ream would send me FLYING OFF WRESTLING WEB SITES AND INTO OBSCURITY.

But seriously, what moron would actually wait until WEDNESDAY to recap Raw? Were his words SO important?

And since the guy allowed me to run his drunken e-mail...

You have GOT to read the 411's Showcase Commentary for this week. 

If you've checked out Josh Grut's Internet Masterpiece already, then you know full well why I'm so floored by it. If you haven't... for Chrissakes, GET TO IT!!!

Okay... let’s give HTM an extra day and pay a visit to the infinitely fascinating....

LESSONS FROM THE SNAKE

Eh, why keep calling him a "crackhead" and belabor the point?

Jake "The Snake" Roberts doesn't post messages NEARLY enough... one wonders why?

Oh, right... I almost forgot... crackheads are RARELY dependable...

Oops, belaboring... right. 

Anyway, here's some Classic Jake, ruminating about age and hard livin'... he is in a rather ornery mood.... which is just how I likes it...

Feeling sorry for myself - jealousy - anger - old Man, whose time has past - old ideas, old style, no hair, can't hang, sad dude who didn't save money, alcoholic, drug addict, couldn't change with times....or what?

Just to set a few ignorant nothing happening poor souls straight. Yeah, you who think you know, want to know, never will know -----who because of inability to achieve any type of nut, must twist, change, murder the truth and because of their own lack luster performances in life except for spewing vile, sad, hurtful s--t via e-mail or poison pen at those who have done something other than squeeze out crap by pushing a button and sadly must achieve some sort of satisfaction by desecrating on all real men, women, children or other turds like themselves. Hiding in their little closet type world, afraid of their own shadows and desperately needing secrecy because they never will stand up for what they have done. Wow! Can't believe I spent that much ink on such little pieces of ga-ga!!

Not a chance - perhaps disapproval due to my own choices at times, but how could I ever feel sorry for myself. I'm proud to stand back and work at a glorious and unfinished (I'm not done yet!) career.

Old Man - sure I'm 46 or 206 depends if you are o.k. Years or Mileage. Yes, I'll say this - had I known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

Ideas, old, new, different, bizarre, insane, dangerous, compelling. You have no idea where my mind is going, because you have no idea where it has been.

Style old, yeah, I didn't come from the old school. I came from the school that burnt before they built the old school. One you had to graduate from.

No hair, plenty just not where I would like it!

Can't hang - please don't even go there.

Sad - BUT NOT TRUE - sure I saved, spent, tossed, gave, threw away, pissed away, burnt more than 90% of population will ever see, guess what, if life were based on money, there would be a lot of dead ass----s reading this now.

Alcoholic/Drug Addict, not happy about it, but will fight this all the rest of my life. Remember if you don't want to be one then NEVER try it the first time . At least I know what I am, but rather shocked I'm the only one - that will stand up anyway. Back in the Closets....!
Couldn't change, didn't want to go the way everyone else did. See I have a choice. Don't you wish you did? Should I want to and believe I have and changed so much so fast no-one caught it .

Or what. I like what I like....! I offer those who want what I do a chance, choice and opportunity for 26 years. It's simple - my exhibit.

And, finally the end.

Due to obscene, vulgar, sick and filthy opinions - you may still e-mail me, but it soon will cost you to do so.

Jake

P.S. I thank and honor you fans who came to see me...whatever you saw, I hope you know it was my effortless pleasure to give you my slice of the theatre of the ABSURD. Hope you enjoyed. Those of you who didn't go to e-- s--t and know that some fans are marks because they want to be, but you have no choice.

Depressing AND captivating

The man is HAUNTED, people... HAUNTED TO THE BONE....

Well, that should do it for me. I'm going to go stare at the wall now and wallow in self-pity.

Hello wall.... why me, why me, WHY ME???

ahhh.... that's nice.

This is Hyatte